Siri, Stay Out of My Relationship

Feeling like your partner spends more time on their phone than they do with you?

Like you’re competing with a screen for attention and losing?

Maybe conversations feel one-sided, or moments that used to feel connected now come with distracted nods and half-hearted replies.

You’re not alone.

In an era where digital connection is constant, the irony is hard to miss, many of us are more available than ever, yet feel more emotionally distant.

In many modern relationships, cell phones have become a silent but powerful presence. Always within reach, always stealing little bits of time, presence, and intimacy. Over time, this constant digital distraction can leave one or both partners feeling unimportant, unseen, or emotionally distant.

Recent data suggests that the average adult spends about 6 to 7 hours per day on their phone (Mastermind, 2023; Duarte, 2025).

Now think about how many hours, on average, you spend with your partner. Do you live together? Work full-time jobs? Let’s say a married couple both work 8 to 4 and live in the same household, it’s likely they’re spending just as much time, if not less, with each other than they are on their phones. And often, those hours overlap. The real question becomes: how much of that time is uninterrupted, phone-free, face-to-face connection?

In my work with couples, the impact of phones and social media is something I see often. It’s not always about the amount of time together, but the quality of it, and how present we truly are with one another.

In her reflective piece in The Guardian, developmental psychologist Michelle Drouin explores the paradox of craving intimacy while feeling consumed by technology, particularly her relationship with her phone (2022). Despite valuing deep human connection as essential to emotional and physical well-being, she admits that constant digital distractions often interfere with her work, relationships, and ability to be present (2022). Drouin introduces the concept of “technoference”: everyday interruptions caused by technology (2022). Drawing from symbolic interactionism, she explains how phones send messages about priorities in relationships, often making loved ones feel unimportant.

It’s no wonder that so many couples are feeling disconnected. We've entered what Drouin calls an intimacy famine, a period where deep, meaningful moments are harder to come by, especially when our attention is fragmented and our energy is elsewhere (2022).

Drouin acknowledges her own attachment to her phone, comparing it to a demanding partner, but rather than advocate for a full disconnect, she suggests striving for balance (2022). Technology, she argues, shouldn’t replace in-person connection but can serve as a tool to enhance intimacy if used mindfully (2022).

In therapy, I often see how excessive phone use, affects couples' emotional connection and communication. Technology itself isn't bad, but when used mindlessly, it can create emotional distance. Partners may be physically together but emotionally unavailable due to constant phone distractions, leading to loneliness, frustration, and resentment.

Another issue is the breakdown in communication. Technology can create a false sense of connection, but it often replaces meaningful face-to-face conversations with superficial digital interactions. In therapy, couples can learn to differentiate between texting or social media and true, quality time together.

Setting boundaries around phone use could also be beneficial. Couples may explore creating “phone-free” times during meals, dates, or important conversations to foster connection, without vilifying technology.

Mindfulness, through intention and presence, is key in reconnecting. By practicing mindfulness, individuals become more aware of how phones impact their emotional well-being and relationships. Being intentional with phone use can help couples stay present with each other and reconnect emotionally.

As we navigate the challenges of modern life, it’s important to remember that relationships require intentional effort. Technology, when used mindfully, can enhance our connections, but when it becomes a distraction, it can create distance. Therapy provides couples with the tools to identify and address the impact of technology on their relationship. By setting boundaries and practicing presence, couples can reestablish emotional intimacy and strengthen their connection in a digital world.

References

Drouin, M. (2022, January 31). My biggest distraction from my work, family and friends – and yet I can’t pull away, even when my own research says I should. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jan/31/social-media-distraction-intimacy

Duarte, E. (2025). Digital habits: The emotional cost of constant connection. Toronto: Blue Sky Press.

Mastermind. (2023). Global mobile usage statistics report. https://www.mastermind.com/research/global-2023